At high school a friend tried to ruin The Sixth Sense for
me. He told me: “He is dead the whole time”. Only I thought
that by this he meant the Hayley Joel Osment character and
not the Bruce Willis character. The confounding of my
expectations probably improved that plot twist.
This is a copy and pasting of results from a polling of
audiences at a Firstdraft fundraiser earlier in 2011 for them to
ruin film plots, and in doing so have other plots ruined for them.
Results continue to make up the on-going project He did it!.
Of which something more might be made. Some day.
- Kevin Spacey IS Keyser Soze.
- Kevin Spacey is killed by his bigot neighbour for tickling his
- Meg Ryan dies before Nicholas gets to eat the pear. She goes to
get a pear for his first breakfast as a human, because it is the
perfect fruit obviously and she gets hit by a truck.
- Turns out he’s been on Earth the whole time! Damn, Dr Zeus! Damn
you to hell!
- Titanic sinks.
- The judge sets her free, she kills all the badies that she didn’t
kill in the other two movies. Hooray. P.S. The goodies always win,
even when they’re bad asses too.
- But Charlie, don’t forget what happened to the man who suddenly
got everything he always wanted. What happened? He lived happily ever
- Watch out Brad Pitt, that’s your wife Gwyneth Paltrow’s head in that
box. Kevin Spacey wants you to be the next mortal sin…wrath.
- Macaulay Culkin lives!
- Mighty Ducks win!! Also, the goalie is fat and saves goals and is
- Goose dies in a premature ejection and leaves Mav & Iceman to
consummate the greatest gay love story ever told.
- Julia Roberts is a massive babe.
- There is no film in this camera and I never learnt to read.
- The kid is dead.
- The spinning top keeps spinning. Is it a dream? Or is it real??
- The horse dies. She loses her arm to a snakebite. He dies too.
- Spinal Tap aren’t even a real band!
- …and then Daft Punk makes songs because it appeals to their aesthetic
sensibilities and then Jeff Bridges dies like Jesus.
- Natalie Portman has ADHD and a dead hamster and nothing happens.
- Jeff Goldbaum kills the aliens with a virus from a PC computer!!!
- James Bond doesn’t die.